A LIFE UPDATE

Good morning gang. Its been a few months since I did something like this I guess. So I figure a nice lil life update on my life would be good yeah?

I don’t know where to start with this actually. Its probably going to be really disjointed, lol. The last one from my old site was a bit after i had my antidepressants changed. Its actually been going pretty okay-ish since! They started balancing out and my ocd has been more like background noise since. I still have bad days n slip ups of course but its not unbearable anymore. The downside however has been my dysphoria becoming more obvious as a result. Turns out in retrospect dysphoria was a pretty big trigger for spirals.

And that kinda leads me to the biggest update i can give: I’m going to be starting T this june! Hopefully. (more than likely actually. Im reasonably confident that my endo stuff is going to go well.) we managed to save up and I sent an email about an appointment in early December for the dysphoria diagnosis side of things. Kinda surprised with how fast I got a response, actually. I did go with the one people especially think highly of, who tends to be real booked up. Initially my appointment was set for late february but someone seemed to cancel and so i got it a whole month earlier. The guy definitely earned his reputation with trans folk in the uk, I’d been nervous but he was very easy to talk to and didnt write me off about anything. It was nice to feel heard about how I feel for once, since coming out in 2019 its been a constant battle of begging to be seen and I feel like I’m finally starting to be allowed to be me.

Um on some less important notes, I did finish the entirety of idw transformers 2005 (I say that because, ive still yet to read the reboot aside from the constructicons centered part of galaxies. I’ll get into that.) it was really, really good, but honestly a little weird at the end. All that crossover stuff, well, I could’ve done with out that. I’d say my favourite parts of the first IDW run overall are probably all hail megatron, robots in disguise and the continuation of that, the wreckers trilogy and of course more than meets the eye/lost light. Reading it all in fact was so good I got really hyperfixated on prowl/constructicons, which grew into just being a huge constructicons head, which grew into my current thing which is ive been really into the combiners overall. I’m sure that much is obvious, actually. Still a huge mtmte/ll fanboy of course, but transformers has so much to it i feel its impossible to not have multiple aspects of it you get really into.

On that line of thought, too, its lead to me slowly putting together a fancontinuity of sorts. It kinda started with me just being unable to choose which versions of the constructicons i wanted to draw, I prefer their characterisation in g1, but I’m just a huge fan of IDWs more complex but not overkill designs for pretty much most of them. So I just kind of made my own, mixing some headcanons in, taking aspects from multiple of their designs (g1 and idw especially, but i also looked at earth wars models and such a lot.) that slowly grew into me coming up with an idea of making my own transformers continuity. Ive been really enamored by people doing that since getting into transformers and I always wanted to make my own, but i was kind of scared to do so because i have a tendency to abandon things. But im still chipping away at the lore of this in my head quite a bit, so i guess my fears are misplaced. I still dont think im going to make anything of it, its all thought of with the idea of a comic or show in mind, something with similar tones to mtmte with the contrast of comedy and serious moments, but im absolutely terrible at long term projects. I do, however, think I’ll make a little section of my site dedicated to the lore of it, I think that sounds fun to put together so look out for that.

I’ve also been picking up some more hobbies, too. For my birthday I bought some beads to make kandi with, and I’ve had a lot of fun with that, i have a mountain of bracelets and cuffs in one of my drawer now. Lol. theyre really fun to make and its nice to just switch off an make a cuff sometimes, threading the beads is good at taking my mind off things. I also got back into traditional art this christmas, I’d sworn off it some years back, extremely frustrated by how imperfect I was with any medium on paper but I’ve been seeing so much work made traditionally that I thought looks really cool around that i couldnt help but want to give it a go again. So at first i picked up just a few small things, a sketchbook, india ink and dip pens, coloured pencils and some glue. This time around ive been having a massive amount of fun with it, im much happier and confident in my art nowadays than i was as a teen, and ive just been letting loose, none of its perfect but thats its charm to me. It has quickly spiraled though, now ive been picking up all sorts of stuff, stickers, posca pens, gel pens, coloured paper…anything i can get my hands on and experiment with, ive been doing it. Hell, i even got whatever still survived of my old alchohol marker collection back from my sister (she was okay with it, dont worry.) and I have a long list of more stuff i want to get to play around with too. I think i was doing it all wrong as a teen, traditional is really fun when you just get experimental with it, mix it up with collaging. Fuck doing pretty and perfect pieces everytime. Make a mess. Its fun.

Ive also been playing around with writing and want to get into music, basically ive just been in a good creative overdrive, i want to try as much as i can and know how to do as much as i can, even if im bad at it i want to try create something in as many ways as i can. Im just a guy who wants to create at heart i guess.

Thats all i have to share for now, though. Things are really looking up and thats really all i can ask for! There has been some incidents, sure, but to be honest, id rather just focus on the positive for now. If you read all of this, damn, thanks! I’ll see you in the next update i make.